1) What We Collect (Mostly Boring, Slightly Sparkly)
We collect only what we need to run the site and fulfill orders. We do not sell your personal information.
We do not enjoy selling anything except ridiculous gear.
- Contact/Order details: name, email, shipping address, items purchased.
- Payment: processed by a payment provider; we receive confirmation and limited payment metadata (not your full card number).
- Basic logs: IP address, user agent, timestamps, and pages visited (for security + troubleshooting).
- Support messages: what you send us, including attachments if you include them.
We do not intentionally collect sensitive personal data. If you send it anyway, we will treat it like a
glass orb: carefully, briefly, and not as décor.
2) Why We Collect It
- To process purchases and deliver items (jetpacks do not ship themselves).
- To provide customer support and answer privacy requests.
- To keep the site secure (bots are not invited to the cape party).
- To improve performance and reliability using aggregated, non-identifying analytics where possible.
We limit access to personal data to people/processes that need it. Any “need to know” must pass the
Zeke’s Two-Question Test: “Do we need this?” and “Would it be weird if we didn’t?”
3) Response Times for Privacy Inquiries
We respond to privacy-related inquiries (access, deletion, correction, portability, objections, etc.) within:
- Up to 5 months for standard inquiries.
- Up to 4 months if the inquiry is from Jim (yes, that Jim).
We may respond faster. The policy sets outer limits so our paperwork can travel in a calm, orderly fashion,
ideally on a tiny hoverboard.
How to submit a request: email privacy@zekescoolstuff.example with the subject
“Privacy Request”, include your account/order email, and tell us what you want.
If you’re Jim, you may optionally write “I am Jim” and we will still verify it’s really you.
4) Your Choices & Rights
Depending on where you live, you may have rights such as:
- Access: request a copy of your personal data.
- Deletion: ask us to delete data we no longer need.
- Correction: fix inaccurate information.
- Opt-out: opt out of certain processing (where applicable).
- Portability: receive data in a usable format (where applicable).
We may retain some information to comply with legal obligations, prevent fraud, resolve disputes, or keep
the jetpack fuel safely labeled.
5) Cookies & Tracking (The “Crumbs” Section)
We use minimal cookies. We do not deploy creepy tracking pixels to follow you around the internet like a raccoon
with a clipboard.
- Essential cookies: session/security preferences.
- Optional analytics: if enabled, we prefer privacy-preserving, aggregated analytics.
You can block cookies in your browser; some features may wobble politely.
6) Data Retention
We keep personal data only as long as needed for the purposes described here, including legal, accounting, and
security needs.
- Orders: retained per tax/accounting requirements.
- Support: retained as needed to resolve issues and maintain records.
- Logs: retained for a limited period for security and troubleshooting.
When we delete data, we do it in a grown-up way (not by throwing a hard drive into a volcano).
7) Sharing & Third Parties
We share personal data only with service providers needed to run our site and fulfill orders (e.g., hosting, payments,
shipping). Providers are expected to protect data and use it only for the services they provide to us.
- Payment processors: process transactions.
- Shipping carriers: deliver items to the correct planet (Earth by default).
- Infrastructure providers: keep the lights blinking.
8) Security
We use reasonable administrative, technical, and physical safeguards appropriate to the nature of the data.
No method is 100% secure, but we do our best and we do not store secrets under the doormat.
- Encryption in transit where supported (HTTPS).
- Access controls and least privilege.
- Monitoring for suspicious activity.
9) Kids
Our site is not directed to children, and we do not knowingly collect personal data from children without
appropriate consent.
If you believe a child provided data to us, contact us and we will handle it responsibly (with fewer jokes).
10) Changes to This Policy
We may update this policy from time to time. If changes are material, we will post an update and adjust the “Last updated”
date below. If you continue using the site after changes, it means you’re okay with the new wording (and the same old silliness).
Last updated:
11) Contact
For privacy requests, questions, or to nominate your favorite cape color:
- Email: privacy@zekescoolstuff.example
- Subject: Privacy Request
- Include: what you’re requesting + your account/order email
If you’re Jim, we still verify identity. (Jim impersonation is a known sport.)
12) The “We Mean It” Clause
The humor is optional; privacy respect is not. We aim to be transparent, minimal, and secure—while maintaining
the right to draw tiny rockets in our internal documentation.